Stogie Commentary: Smoking for the Children

[steaner]

It happens to me from time to time, and I’m sure it has happened to many of you too. You’re sitting at one of the increasingly rare bars that allow smoking, enjoying a cigar, and suddenly you’re being harassed by an anti-tobacco zealot.
Often they flap their hands around, pretending to cough as they wave smoke from their face. On rarer occasions they will confront you to loudly proclaim, “That stinks! Can’t you put it out?” They might even laughably suggest you are killing them or giving them lung cancer by smoking nearby.
I write “laughably,” by the way, because even government studies suggest non-smokers need to live with smokers for decades before any measurable increased risk is detected. So a few seconds, hours, or even days adds virtually zero risk. But I digress.
How to respond to such a person is not an easy question to answer. We cigar smokers are generally considerate people, so while telling them to buzz off with some choice words has its appeal, that’s not the route I usually take. Instead, I often just say sorry it offends you and go on smoking, or recommend a nearby bar that doesn’t allow smoking. If it’s not inconvienent for me I may even move to another part of the bar.
But since the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP ) is about to be funded through massive tax increases on tobacco, including roughly 40 cents per smoke for premium cigars, I’ve got a new reply to this annoying breed of anti-tobacco zealot: “I’m smoking this cigar for the children.”
After all, only with enough smoking will the government be able to pay for the SCHIP program. In fact, it is estimated that 22 million new smokers will be needed to fully fund the egregious scheme.
And that brings me to the final thing to say to the kind of person who would harass a complete stranger engaged in a perfectly legal activity. From now on, I plan on asking: “Why aren’t you smoking? Don’t you care about the children?”